Thursday, October 28, 2010

From the Mind of Brittany Wilson

I am sitting at the front desk of the office of my current temporary position. I'm the receptionist for the week. Not a glam job by all means. Actually, it's quite boring. I'd be completely miserable if it weren't for one thing... the company I'm working for has a personal chef that makes me (and the rest of the office) FREE lunch EVERYDAY! How rad is that? I know! It really is the highlight of my day - one that consumes many of my thoughts.

Since I've had a surplus of time to do nothing (no books aloud (and surfing the web can be entertaining only for so long...)) - I've been able to allow my mind to wonder. Here are some of the things that have been occupying my brain space:

Talking About the Weather...
I am amazed at how well this works. I've taken note of the conversations I've had with people for several years now (and especially now as I find myself moving from job to job) and talking about the weather is one sure way to get a conversation moving. It's a common ground everyone can relate to. I guess it seems so odd to me because for the longest time I thought it was simply a saying:

"What'd you talk about?"

"Oh, the weather."

I think many people (including myself) use this tactic to fill the otherwise awkward silence. I think I've had at least ten conversations on the subject this week.

Interesting People
I've been pondering for the past several months about what makes a person interesting. Are they interesting because interesting things happen to them? Or are they interesting because they make interesting things happen to them? Or perhaps it's either one but it's all about the delivery? Maybe I am interesting but I lack the charisma to relay my interesting life? Yeah right. I am not interesting.

Choosing a Career
I am not one of those fortunate people that knew exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up. Instead, I had a million ideas floating through my brain. Then when it came time to commit, I floundered and chose something that (I thought) would open many doors of opportunity. Instead, the dual degree I received in business management and marketing is far too broad. I have some qualifications for many jobs, when in reality what I need is all the qualifications for one job. I am envious of Wyatt who in four years will come out of school without a doubt in his mind about what kind of job he will be looking for. I should've narrowed my discipline and chosen a career that would make looking for a job much easier. (i.e. an engineer, a teacher, a psychiatrist, etc.) Instead I now find myself marching through life aimlessly, with a constant internal battle, wondering what I should make of myself. It is exhausting.

Quality of Life
I can honestly say, despite the fact I am frustrated with myself for not being able to "make something of myself", I have no regrets about quiting my last job. For two-and-a-half years I was miserable. And I can honestly say that even though I am unemployed and am making peanuts as a temporary employee, I am happy. I am really happy. I didn't realize what kind of negative effect my previous job had on me. So maybe it doesn't matter what kind of career one pursues as long as they are happy with the atmosphere of their job? I've always thought company culture to be a major influence in the happiness one experiences at work. Especially now as I've had the opportunity to temp at other companies. (Especially here as I'm fed lunch each day!) So does it matter what you do as long as you like where you work, if you like your coworkers, and feel like your company values the work you do? Perhaps.

The Importance of a Degree
Yeah, all my recent thoughts are job related. Something that has been heavy on my mind is my degree. I've entertained the thought several times to submit my application to wait tables at the little French bakery just down the road. The number one thing that keeps me from doing this is that I'd be turning my back on my degree. What was the point of going to college if I'm just going to bag it anyway? I'll admit, I'm even more concerned with "What will people think?" It seems like as humans we measure each other's value based on income levels and by the title on our business cards. Why? Right now, as I sit as the fill-in receptionist, I feel like people are judging me and are making the assumption that I'm a dim-witted broad. I feel like announcing over the PA that I did go to college, I did graduate, I did hold a semi-impressive position for the past 2.5-years, and that I can do far more than answer phones. Perhaps I'm just reading into things that aren't there? I might be a bit sensitive.

The Nobility of Motherhood
I think this whole job/career thing has taken an extra toll on me lately because of my current situation in life. I'm in between "jobs". I'm wrapping-up my twenties (years associated with education, working and holding a career) and moving into my thirties... those child-bearing years. I've entertained the thought of "biding my time" until I do receive the blessing of becoming a mother. My qualms with this: 1) who knows when that will be and 2) shouldn't I aspire to something more than just looking for something to "pass the time"? And then I let society creep into my mind and wonder if I want motherhood to define my life. A noble role I sincerely believe. I'm just afraid of what I have to say for myself when I look back on life. About what I did with myself when I didn't have children, what I aspired to be, how I utilized my strengths and talents, did I come out stronger?

I just feel like I've been in Wyatt's shadow lately. That he's the one doing all the hard work to provide for our family. That my work in the background (cooking, cleaning, shopping, paying bills, etc.) is insignificant. I'm not jealous, I'm just discouraged. I think in today's society there's very little acknowledgement of the role of a mother (or wife in my case). Society is just concerned with what you do to bring home the bacon. They couldn't care less that you're the one shopping for the bacon.

Then other thoughts cross my mind, what happens if something happened to Wyatt (who we're planning on being the sole provider)? What if I need to go back to work and I don't have a "foundation" to build upon because I chose to "bide my time"? What if (I really hope this isn't the case!) Wyatt and I split up and I need to fend for myself? Perhaps there is a lack of faith on my part but I just can't shake the pressure I feel to become more successful than I am.

Am I alone in my thoughts? Does anyone else feel this way?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sunny Colorado

Since my momma is a flight attendant for United, it is very rare that I get to see her while I'm visiting in Colorado. She's usually up flying the friendly skies. So when she told me her vacation was set to be the first week in October, I made arrangements to visit her during the duration of her break... It was so many months ago that we had planned my visit that it's hard to believe it has already come and gone. Sad. I had a blast hanging with my mom for ten straight days!

There wasn't one specific moment that stuck out, it was simply fun to spend time with her.
Some things we did while I was visiting were: cook and eat some Nichols family favorites, walk around Johnstown Lake every morning, attend the temple, go shopping, go to the movies, sit and chat, stayed up late every night, and worked on a special book project my mom has.

It was a pleasant trip and it seemed like our time together had drawn to an end too quickly. Though I was happy to return home to Oregon to hang with Wyatt, I was terribly sad that I couldn't stay longer with my mom. It's true, home is where mom is.

I love you momma! Thanks for making me feel so special!

Walking around Johnstown lake. (Notice how SUNNY it is?)

Mom modeling the delish pumpkin pie I made

Hanging out with my big sis Burgandy

My "brother-in-law" Jason on his wedding day, with my two nephews

All the Colorado grand people and me (sad the other three weren't able to play with us)

Wyatt had flowers waiting for me when I returned home - what a sweetie!