Monday, March 8, 2010

Elephant in the Room

I know, I said I'd discuss the elephant in the room over three weeks ago. The truth of the matter is the elephant isn't cute. And I've been told that if you don't have anything nice to say, to not say it at all. This is why I've postponed this post.

The elephant in the room is...the fact that we'll be living in Oregon for another four years. And you already know how I feel about Portland. Yeah, things haven't really changed. I am a horrible wife. What is wrong with me?!?!? My husband has this HUGE accomplishment in his life - in our lives - and the sole thought on my mind is the fact that we'll be living here another four years. I am pathetic.

I guess I was a little too optimistic that we'd take on an adventure elsewhere. Submitting nine applications to nine different schools - I thought maybe the odds were on my side. Lo and behold, I was wrong. I think I'm mostly just disappointed. Disappointed that we don't get to try a new adventure. Frustrated because I feel like I'm stuck. That we'll never leave Oregon. I am fearful that come four years it'll turn into, "well, we've already been here for eight years, and this is where we went to school, and we already know x-amount of dentists to work for - so we should just stay here." Sometimes it seems like my hopes, dreams and desires get trumped by whats "practical". (Or even more so, the will of God. Which I'm still trying to submit my will to His.)

It's not that Oregon is a bad place. It's not. It has a lot to offer. And we do have good family and friends here. The only way I can explain it is - Oregon just doesn't click for me. It's like that cute, smart, funny, well-dressed person of the opposite sex that you were never attracted to. That is what Oregon is to me. I'm just not attracted to Oregon.

If I think about being here for another four years I seriously start to hyperventilate. And have this overwhelming feeling of suffocation. Talk about weird people, I know. I have finally come to the point where I can't think about it. And that is how I've come to terms with my current situation, ignoring it.

Elephant exiting the room...

The good news as of late (besides my smart husband being accepted into dental school) is that spring came early for Oregon! A tender mercy for me, for sure! So with the renewal of life comes my renewal of attitude. I am turning over a new leaf and embracing my current four-year situation. I am going to take advantage of everything Oregon has to offer! I am going to treat this like the adventure I was hoping for elsewhere and make the most of it! And then I'm going to move. :)

Happy Spring!

taking advantage of the willamette river

mt. saint helen's came out to play

...as did mt. hood

one of my favorite things about spring in oregon - driving to/from home and seeing the pink trees on this road


See. New leaf!

15 comments:

mom/Janet said...

it's important to be happy where you're planted. I always said I could be happy where ever Bill was. I think I could (except rainy winters) JK Anyway, why don't you think of looking for a new place to live. It would be a different drive home to church and new friends to make. Just an idea. Good attitude. Good luck with the new start

Abbie said...

I know how you feel except in the opposite way. We've traveled around so much that I'm to the point where I want to find that one place of my dreams (and I sometimes ask myself, is there really such a place or am I dreaming?) and settle down. Just the thought sometimes of being "stuck" in a place that I don't jive with gets me hyperventalating too.

Case in point: Nashville. Awesome city, awesome states, lots of great people but there's just something about it that doesn't go with me. I really want to move to DC and am worried that if we don't move there and move somewhere else that I will be sad and dreaming of the place I want to be.

Good luck with the next four years. Start looking now for great places you want to live when it's all said and done. :) And then be firm. LOL

Jeff said...

Yes, you are a horrible wife. Just kidding! So you're "stuck" in PDX for another 4 years. What?! Would you rather be in Detroit? Pittsburgh? Nigeria? Haiti? St. Louis? My mother always used to tell me "Bloom where you're planted." Good advice. Maybe our Heavenly Father has something wonderful planned for you in PDX and you just haven't discovered what that is. Buck up. It's not so bad. And Seattle is ever so close!

Jeff said...

Oh...and my favorite Aunt....My Aunt Helen lived in PDX while her husband went to Dental school. Now being a through and through Utah girl......she hated it. And they lived there for about 10 years. And she survived. But then they got to move back to Utah where they have lived in the same house for almost 50 years. So I guess the moral of the story is: stick it out and you too can move to Utah for the rest of your life! Ha Ha Ha

Andrea said...

I could have sworn the elephant in the room would have something to do with pink or blue, since you said "family" in your post.

I hear you on the "stuck" part. I have an explorer's heart. So for me to move back to my hometown, let alone my parents' house for the next 2 yrs, is VERY depressing. I feel like, "Been there. Done that. Can't I move on?" Maybe I did TOO good of a job telling Kevin Naperville was a good place to raise a family when the opportunity to buy the practice came up. But now we're stuck here til the end of time, or until Kevin stops working at age 90. I've simply told him we'll just have to take a LOT of vacations to make up for being stuck here.

Just make sure when Wyatt takes his board exam that it's for a state that has reciprocity in other states to open up the possibilities. (For example, Kevin could have practiced in the midwest OR Colorado once he passed his exam.)

Josette said...

oh man, i really did have my heart set on california. wait, this is about you, not me.
i totally see where you are coming from...and it's okay to feel that way. BUT, i know you will be happy and have a good attitude about it. here's to another 4 years of portland...and then you're outta there!!!

Jeanna said...

Girl, you know how I feel already. Neither of us were planning on Utah. Wow, who can believe we've been here 14 years and have owned a house for 10? Not on my life to-do list, not in Utah, and certainly not in Payson. But, wow, we ended up really loving it here (payson).

There is definitely a patch of time where it is WAY harder to move once you have kids. I might be past that patch and willing to move anywhere where I knew H. could be utilized to his fullest potential/education.

That pretty pink street is so nice. And, we loved, loved, loved our vacay to OR last summer. So, we'll be out again. Not this year, but maybe next?

(Poor Schuy, we'll never be able to afford to go to OH. Of course he may see that as a blessing, not sure.)

Oh, and dentists are loaded, so start planning your sweet Costa Rica-like vacations for the next 50 years! (can i come, can i? can i?)

Anonymous said...

Bravo, Brittany! Sometimes you just have to "live like it..." until it becomes the real thing. You've made a good start--right at the top of the alphabet with "A" for ATTITUDE. That's a big step. Just continue putting one foot before the other in that direction.

The article about gratitude in the March Ensign is really good in pointing out how many blessings we have--even the ones like "pain" which might help a person find out she had a disease or something so she could get it fixed--so keep looking for all the blessings of living in Portland.

Love, Momma

Mel said...

Well... if it is any consolation... we are sure glad you will be around! As I was reading your post, I had the thought: maybe you are not weird enough for Portland? Could that be a new catch phrase? "Not weird enough for PDX"? I don't know, but now I am getting sidetracked. Glad your are here a few more years, even if you are having your reservations... :)

AJ said...

Brittany,

That does suck. I would not want to live in Portland for 8 years. I feel sorry for you. :) But you're right, you have to make the best of it. So good luck!
We will be better about visiting you guys since I won't be working (for a little while).
The only reason why Wyatt loves it so much is because he is from there and his family is there. Isn't it so much better that Wyatt is from Portland and not Arkansas or Mississippi??? Imagine living there for 8 years. hahahahaha
Since you will have to take out mondo student loans (I am just assuming) use it and go on a trip every few months. We did (not in student loans just other savings) in Seattle and seriously it was awesome. I highly recommend it. :)
I am sounding really dumb in this comment so I am just going to stop now.

and p.s. you are totally not weird enough for Oregon.

Heidi Quist said...

I really understand. I've been saying I'm stuck out here in DC for awhile and sometimes I really feel that way. But I see the good points, too, mostly on good days :)

Liz said...

Britty,

I totally understand where you are coming from. Eric and I have been dealing with this lately. I am so done with Illinois and ready to move back out west where there is more to see than corn, but alas what I wanted is not what seems to be right for us right now and I will have to wait for at least a few more years. Sometimes knowing that it is the right thing still doesn't make it any easier.

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Collette said...

So....I'm about 3 weeks behind in leaving a comment. I will anyway. Since everyone has told you about the same thing...I'll just say ditto. Be glad that you have family close by and make the most of your time there (even if it is 4 years). One day you'll miss it, if you ever move away. I like Janet's idea: find a new place to live and/or a new job...just for fun because both of those things are so fun to do for no reason! But hey, it might feel like a new town.
Good luck!

Ryan Bingham said...

Phew, I'm so glad I dodged that bullet!! :) Just kidding, I'm very excited for Wyatt's school and your new adventure. Since the in-laws are visiting I decided to check your blog for the first time in a while and, I must admit, your post about Oregon had me rolling. I would encourage you and Wyatt to look for an adventure upon graduation, but Oregon is also very nice... but only for a week at a time!